First News
Volume:7, Number:38
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Making the First Move

Seventy percent of women in a new survey said they would not initiate a relationship, and experts believe it is the fear of rejection

Indian matrimonial website shaadi. com has conducted a relationship survey and found that about 90 percent of men said they would make the first move in a relationship. To the contrary, only 19 percent women said ‘yes’ and 10.5 percent said ‘maybe’ to the question. As much as 70 percent of women surveyed said they would not make the first move.In the sub-continent, men usually take the lead when it comes to making the first move. So, what is it that stops women from making the first move? Psychotherapist and life coach Neeta V Shetty attributes it to traditional and cultural reasons. She says that the fear of rejection stops them from making the first move and many women also feel shy to do so. The belief that it is always the man’s job to make the first move may also be a deterrent for women. Psychiatrist Gitanjali Saxena says that men are usually handed over the responsibility to start the conversation and are the protagonist when it comes to socializing. According to her, men by nature will always go out and make the first move. This inhibits women who have been conditioned to wait for men to make the first move. There is also a fear of being judged if a woman is the initiator, she added, before saying that women may also feel they would be perceived as aggressive and not ladylike if they made the first move. Shetty says women also have their notions about why men should make the first move. When men make the first move, it makes women feel wanted, she said. She further added that it also fulfills their romantic notions of men going on their knees and proposing to them. This may also make them feel safe from the perspective of reading the guy’s overture in the right way, Shetty said.

Shetty also points out there was a time when women who made the first move, when it comes to dating, were considered morally loose. There may be some men who still have this frame of mind, she continued. But there are no hard and fast rules, and because the dating scenario is changing, there are no specific gender defined roles anymore as more and more women are getting financially and emotionally independent. This independence is also making them to be decisionmakers and go-getters. The rules of relationships are also changing. There is nothing taboo about the girl making the first move, she emphasized. Pink, according to reports, proposed to her hubby, motocross champion Carey Hart, in 2005, while he was in the middle of a race by showing him the sign “Will you marry me?.” That was followed by an “I am serious” sign. Kristen Bell-Bell proposed to hubby Dax Shepard on Twitter in celebration of the US Supreme Court's ruling favoring same sex marriage in 2013. Britney Spears proposed to her then husband, Kevin Federline, while flying from Ireland to New York, USA, she told a magazine in 2004.

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